reviews of the lowest caliberz

i have been watching a shit ton of dvds lately and so i make reviews of them sometimes.

check out my letterboxd for more updated but more dumbass versions of my reviews lmfao

(click for detailed review.)

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fight club

8/28/2021; 5
"slide :D" - the mind palace penguin
fight club is an absolute fucking masterpiece of a film. the camera shots are great, the music's great, the acting's great... just mwah. its a really great film adaptation. it takes all the great elements of the novel without adapting every single scene exactly (though i would have loved to have the scene where marla gets pissed that they're using her mom's fat for soap lmfao). i especially like the camera pans they do occasionally do move through scenes, it works really well. one thing that i do wish they put in is the hole in the narrator's cheek because its a really weird aspect of the book that i like (but obviously i get how hard that would have been to replicate lmfao). overall, one of my fave movies of all time.

gay brain notes: tyler durden is so fucking fun to watch. love the scene where he's running from the cops with marla and he does a little dance. also where he falls off the bike lmfao

hedwig and the angry inch

8/27/2021; 4
"I had tried singing once back in Berlin. They threw tomatoes. After the show, I had a nice salad." - hedwig
hedwig and the angry inch is a... weird film in terms of plot, to say the least. it doesn't really have a linear narrative so much as a series of interconnected scenes that eventually form Hedwig as a character. speaking of hedwig... the way her gender is protrayed is honestly not the best. she gets srs in order to flee east berlin, and hers is botched - which to any audience who percieves her as being a trans woman is definitely.. not great trans woman rep. personally, i think the film more strongly gives evidence to the idea that she is genderqueer/nonbinary - especially given tommy gnosis's line at the end about hedwig being "more than a woman or a man". however, given this film was made in the 90s, before nonbinary identity became (to an extent) public knowledge, the perception of hedwig has been largely of her having a binary identity. overall, however, i do like this film. it is really fun to watch despite its problems. also angry inch is so good, at least give that shit a listen.

mess brain notes: tommy gnosis is kinda cute but the relationship between him and hedwig is wack given he's a minor when they start dating im pretty sure...

bill and ted's excellent adventure

9/06/2021; 4.5
"strange things are afoot at the circle-k. :O" - ted "theodore" logan
bill and ted's excellent adventure is so heinously stupid, in a good way. it's absolutely turn-your-brain-off-and-enjoy type of film. pretty much all the characters (aside from rufus lmfao) are completely ridiculous. :) i also love that alex winters and keanu reeves did say that they didn't approve of the use of "fag" in here lmfao. also alex winters is pro bill being a trans dude which is so swag :D

gay brain notes: boys cute... also bill and ted are both bi and transmasc change my mind.

the matrix

8/30/2021; 4.5
"that is the sound of your death, mr. anderson."
"my name is neo."

the matrix is a well-known classic, of course, but it definitely fucking rules. one of my fave things about this movie is the "bullet time" affect they use. it's just so good. onto the plot, i love the (not subtle) trans allegory about it. everything from the significance of red and blue pills (estrogen and prozac, respectively) to the use of neo vs alderson to the way switch was supposed to be played by a female actor in the matrix and a male actor outside... mwah. one point i don't particularly like about the film is the fact that a lot of the secondary cast gets killed off after we know them well enough, but not enough to really love the characters. i do think that the large amount of people fighting the matrix made this a bit difficult tho.

gay brain notes: the clothes are so cool and swag mwah. also trinity my beloved


8/25/2021; 3.5
"jesus wept." - frank cotton
hellraiser has such good character design. i love the cenobites a lot. anyway, this movie isn't the best movie ever, but it is a fun horror movie. i really don't have a lot else to say on it, it's just a fun time :D

gay brain notes: if i were frank cotton, i would simply not escape >:)

donnie darko

8/24/2021; 4.5
"What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?" - donnie darko, a transmasc mood
donnie darko is a real weird film in terms of plot. i, like most people, did not figure out this was a film with a whole philosophy about time travel until i looked it up. however, super cool. i really like the absolute "weirdness" of donnie as a character. he is a big huge autistic mood. i especially love the fact he infodumps, its hilarious. i also like the cinematography, that's really swag in this movie. :)

gay brain notes: jake gyllenhall hot... also kinning donnie darko

full metal jacket

8/28/2021; 3
"tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifle! you will give your rifle a girl's name! because this is the only pussy you people are going to get!" - sgt. hartman
this film is fairly good in the first half. i like the way it shows how shitty military training can be. however, once they get out to vietnam, it becomes just another war film. i get its intended message, but it just isn't that interesting. i don't really like the liberal use of slurs either. it's just kinda.... bleh to say the least.

gay brain notes: joker hot. :)


8/26/2021; 5
"rich people are naive. no resentments. no creases on them." - ki-taek
parasite is just... MWAH. this is honestly one of the best films on class and capitalism i've ever seen. one thing i really like is the way floors represent class - the kim family lives in a basement versus the parks needing stairs to get up to their house. also the ending is just... holy shit. it's so horrendous to see because of how hopeless it feels.

swag brain notes: ki-jung is very pretty :D also fuck capitalism for real

my own private idaho

6/07/2021; 5
"I mean, for me, I could love someone even if I, you know, wasn't paid for it... I love you, and... you don't pay me." - mike waters
HOLY SHIT. this film made me so sad. it's just so raw and real and the cinematography is swag... knowing, especially, that river wrote his lines for the confession scene just makes it even better of a film.
speaking to how this film made me feel, its just... as a bi dude it really just hit me extremely hard. especially given that i'm trans, so feeling all this kinship(?) with mike and knowing that a lot of cis people really just won't understand how i can be so connected to manhood and especially like... queer manhood in general just... wagh.

gay brain notes: river and keanu are both extremely good looking in this film. :)

house of 1000 corpses

10/19/2021; 4.5
"Goddamn, motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit!" - Captain Spaulding
House of 1000 Corpses is a fun movie even if the cinematography is fucking weird. Love how much of a Rob Zombie vibe it has. Also all of the antagonists are simply so interesting. Unlike protags, who I really wanted to kill omfg. Soooo glad they died. Also Spaulding is the best character. Also best clown.

gay brain notes: albino otis is best otis. change my mind

the devil's rejects

10/20/2021; 3.5
"You ain't going nowhere bitch!" - Captain Spaulding
I definitely love House of 1000 Corpses better - the funny vibes are more fun - but I do like this movie. I like that Sherri didn't keep her wack voice that she had in House. I also like that we get more insight into the family! I was honestly confused on Otis's family role. Speaking of Otis - I don't like that he's not albino!!! Bring him back!!!!!!! Captain Spaulding is based as ever tho.

gay brain notes: how rude of them to remove albino otis...

repo! the genetic opera

12/18/2021; 3.5
"my brother and sister should fuck" - pavi in all his beloved weirdness
from an actual critic perspective, this film sucks. from a silly goth perspective, 10/10. The worldbuilding and design is super cool. Also it put paris hilton and nivek ogre in the same film.

gay brain notes: pavi hot. that's it that's the post

bram stoker's dracula

2/6/2022; 4
"see me. see me now." - dracula
This movie is definitely one of my favorite of the vampire movies i've watched. the design is soo nice. it's also just a good adaption of the book - though i don't love the romance plot they added, it makes sense in the context of the film. also i always forget keanu is in this movie, it's always a nice suprise to see him. ^^

gay brain notes: dracula. also love that jonathan's hair randomly becomes grey without any explanation, it's so funny

howl's moving castle

4/10/2022; 4
"i'd appreciate if you wouldn't torment my friend." - howl
THIS MOVIE IS SO PRETTY. I loved the animation so much. Also Howl. Just in general. One thing though is I wish they explained Markl a bit more; especially because I missed the part where they said he was an apprentice. So I was just like "what is this kid doing in howl's house". Also Christian Bale using his American accent despite it otherwise seeming like this film is in England is so funny.

gay brain notes: i am fascinated by christian bale. also howl hot

pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl

4/10/2022; 4.5
"you're supposed to be dead!" "am i not?"
I love how silly this movie is. I also always forget this is a disney film? That fact always weirds me out. But its a great start to the series and I do really like it. :3

gay brain notes: elizabeth swann and jack sparrow are both incredibly bisexual. i will die on this hill

pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest

4/11/2022; 4.5
"Savvy?" - Jack Sparrow, who has unfortunately got the phrase stuck in my head
This movie is honestly one of my faves out of the series. It's very fun. Also the fact Elizabeth Swann is everyone's love interest because she's like. one of the only main women in this series makes me laugh. I will say though... Why did she not tell her fiance she was going to semi-seduce Jack to tie him to the ship lmfao.

gay brain notes: Elizabth swann my beloved... she is so fucking based. Also jack sparrow hot ngl

pirates of the caribbean: at world's end

4/12/2022; 4.5
"Elizabeth! Will you marry me?" "I don't think now's the best time!"
I love how fucking chaotic this movie is. It's an insane watch. Especially Swann - she's fucking ruthless here. I will say though that I wish Tia Dalma had a bigger role / was better treated. She's so fucking cool. Justice for her for real, she's carrying this fucking movie.

bisexual brain notes: TIA DALMA/CALYPSO MY BELOVED !!!!!!!!!!!!!

pirates of the caribbean: on stranger tides

4/13/2022; 3.5
"Admit it, Jack. You still love me." "If you had a sister and a dog, I'd choose the dog."
This is definitely the worst movie out of the four (we do not talk about the fifth one...), but I do still like it a lot because of the nostalgia factor. I do hate Angelica though. She is annoying and I would've liked to see more Blackbeard instead.

bisexual brain notes: the mermaid girl is SO PRETTY. Love her

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

5/11/2022; 4.5
" Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours." - clementine kruczynski
I'm not a romance guy personally, but I really adore this movie. It's such a nice exploration of human relationships, especially with the fact Clementine is coded/implied to have BPD.

bisexual brain notes: clementine is so freaking pretty. I love her


5/13/2022; 5
"one thousand years from now there'll be no guys and no girls, just wankers. Sounds great to me." - mark
I love this movie so much. It's definitely in my list of top favorite movies of all time. Also - love that mark is heavily implied to be bisexual (though he is canonically so in the book). Also his narration? Fucking great. I love when chracters commentate on shit in films.

gay brain notes: mark and sick boy are very hot. also GOD i really enjoyed watching the shooting up scenes even though obviously im aware it's not a particularly glamorous portrayal of herion use.